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Kenneth James Garcia
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A slow return

5 min read
Hello, to those who still check here.

I know i Fade back and forth into existence here, and here i am doing it again.

the last year has had one hell of  a effect on me. for the second time in my life i believe i had finally reached that point where i felt that i could say "this is the person i want by my side and i will do anything to stand by theirs" only to find that i was not wanted. i had finally gotten my trust and abandonment issues stable only to have them slammed back into me, finding the one i loved with another the day after i had waited to hold them in my arms again.

the result was more than i ever expected.

i had expected it to hit me hard because i always try so hard in my relationships and for those that have i have been able to put my heart into the rejection tears.

but i was not expecting what followed.

I lost that place, the one inside my head, the one where my art comes from. that world where i observed the inhabitants and drew them for this world to see. i had spent my whole life working on this world, planting every blade of grass, and laying every stone. to build a home with a place beside me.

now, i can no longer see it. the structures are ash and the inhabitants linger in the mists of churning soot and burnt land, and i can not see them.

among other things these last 2 years, i have been Diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease, where my body is attacking my thyroid. my parents have left and moved on so i no longer have that part of my family around. even though i was not living with them they were the ones that were there in my worst times and had never abandoned me.

i am now in a state of having many others who were one friends , leaving. some have said they have given up on me and others say they cant deal with how i have fallen from who i was and lastly those who said they don't want someone like me in their life anymore.

the problems with always feeling like people are going to get what they want from me and leave has only gotten stronger.

now on anti depressants, therapy and other medications i have stopped trying to commit suicide, and am slowly being able to talk to people again.

I no longer work for Field Of Corpses here in Colorado, though i still believe it was one of the happiest times of my life, my mind, heart and body cant take the tolls that came from being the Butcher for that long. for those who have never been, it is still one of the best Haunted houses in Colorado.

Due to the what has happened in my mind and body the main reason i wrote this blog was to say that as of December of this year i will no longer be going to school for drawing, i have found that it is too exhausting to do, to force the world that i cant see to this one has caused me to slip into deeper depression. the anger that has risen in place where there was once passion and love leave little for the positive reinforcement.

Drawing will soon no longer be what i do...

I try and hope that someday it will return but for now for the sake of not failing school and mental health i will not be doing it after Drawing IV.


i will be continuing my art education with the last Bastion of create i have been able to hold stable to.  Metalworking will be the next chapter of my life as i have been able to vent the feelings and emotions i have been dealing with through fire and the hammering of metal, the Destructive nature to ultimately create has been eh driving force that will allow me to continue on with out giving up on art all together and therefore dropping out of school and giving up on art as a major part of my life.


i will be loading the last of the drawings that i have had for those who wish to see them.


For those who Hope and dream for Love and the Battle that is Partnership in love and life. please don't stop Dreaming and don't stop fighting, for yourself and for those you love, and in a very small way fight and dream for those who have lost the drive and the heart to do the same.

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So i guess this is my first jounal in like a year or so but then again things have gone all kinds of weird on this end and i apologize to those you have remembered me on here and those of you who know me somewhat well know i tend to disappear for long periods of time; but this time i swear it was legitamete lol.

so where to start really.

    within the last few years i have have had extremly mentaly damaging events happen things that would not really be that big of a deal to other people but affected me in a big way and got many medical events that have occured. I met someone that i was going to ask to marry me but instead she left and i fell into a huge depression, some of you might have been around for, next i left for a long time on my own to live alone and got in another relationship, this time with them wanting to marry me but ultimetly leaving me cuz of their friend who was more a boyfriend to her than me in the way that they treated each other and her friend thought i was trying to steal her away and she left me for it the hardest part being that this friend was a girl, and in the end of that relationship i lost major friends in my life who got angry at me cuz they thought i was ignoring them for her even though she lived with them. this blow cuzed me to leave all online social sites, facebook, myspace and here. i wanted nothing to do with them anyone for a time and went through a time of wanting to give up on my ideals. i went into therpy for a while and even had a time of being on anti-depressents though for some reason they made me more angry at people so i stopped taking them. i started drinking alot and began getting into alot fo self scaring, got piercing, and cut all my hair off, the whole trying to find a new identity kind of thing.

Also this year i have had major issues in finding out that the joints in my wrists are begining to wear out and the Doctors told me i may have 10 years left of full use of my hands, which caused another blow to my mental stance as a artist, but through my family and my church i have been able to keep going and trying to continue on in art.

time past and ended up moving again but at this time i dont want to let anyone know too much about where i am anymore. i am in a new realtionship with a girl i have off and on known for the last 6 year but mostly as a friend through other people, she was going through a hard time and i tried to help with it ending up with us together. it is much healthier for me i think than the last couple relationships have been. it has only been this last year that  i have begun to make some real inprovments in my life.In Feb i decided to take the step and got into a art gallery with my work and sold over $400 dollars worth of work and used the money to start kick starting improvments in my art set up. i am nearing completion of my metal studio so that i can begin taking metal work commisions.

the most recent update is that i am going to have my first pet since i was 15 years old, i am buying a suger glider and for those who know what is they are awsome. i have finally upgraded my computer and tools with commision money to have a new bamboo tablet and CS5 installed. i am currentyly typing this on the new laptop iwas able to afford and working on new pieces that are going to show in Colorados Chile Festival in august. the biggest news is that for the first time i will be sharing a table at NDK this year with a.deviantart.net/avatars/a/n/a… who let me show with her. !!!!!!!!

so for all those who have stuck by and waited to hear from me and stuck in there, thank you for sticking in there with me, and for those in Colorado, i hope to see you in person soon.
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